Ever wake up at 3 am to a crying half sleep baby boy? What happens next is muscle memory. Pull him into bed and safely snuggle him to bosom. Remember to not suffocate him with newly endowed overflowing cups that your beautiful Victoria Secret collection will probably never see again.
Once he’s settled his twin brother starts to get restless and lets out a cry. You get up pick him up and insert pacifier. Then you turn to try to lay down to snuggle with your second son… but only to find there is no room for you to lay down because there is a snoring naked man in your bed which happens to be a queen. No way your man, three month olds and you are fitting comfortably this morning.
So you proceed to every mother’s ace in the hole; SWADDLE’ EM. After you get one child settled and back in the bassinette you step and repeat. Only to find that you misplaced Thing 2’s pacifier, and not just the random pacifiers; but the wet blanket pacifier, the one from the hospital the gumdrop. Somewhere around 2am your bed and maybe even your mans ass swallowed it up. You realize the horror that is about to ensue if you do not locate the pacifier before baby starts to wake in a tantrum. You over turn your bed and pillows and get to your knees to search under the bed hoping that it had fallen only to find dust bunnies. You lift and shake your comforter and try to avoid looking at your man butt with the absolute fear that his ass did in fact swallow baby’s pacifier. Luckily, Thing 2 is sleeping well. Hell you pause to see that all three of them are sleeping well. Jealousy peeks. Thing One, Thing Two and the dang Cat and the Hat all-warm in their beds!
But for some reason you just cannot go back to sleep. So you start a batch of the twin’s laundry and you try again to locate the missing pacifier without waking your men with No luck.
So you sit down and try to focus on becoming a writer for a magazine and as you research tips for Writing Query Letters. You get a little inspired to recap the past hour; and to your delight you look down in your nursing bra and there… there lays Thing 2’s pacifier and there is light and the angels sing and awe. And relief overcomes you; you don’t have to burn it!