The Diary of a First Time Mom of Twins: The “Good Mom” Tells the Truth

Post originally featured on: Climbing Out Dot Com for the Journeying to Enough Segment

“There are a lot of crazy people who have children and I have always been interested in how children maneuver and decide how to live, it’s hard. I’ve always had a deep respect for children and how they solve complex problems, by themselves… I think through shrewdness, fantasy and just plain strength they want to survive. THEY WANT TO SURVIVE”. ~ Maurice Sendak(author & illustrator of Where the Wild Things Are)

I found this video in the early part of 2015 and it has sat with me since. When I tell you God always, and I mean ALWAYS has a way of connecting the dots and revealing ideas and messages to me I sometimes find it hard to articulate. I have really been reflecting hard on motherhood for the past couple of years (four to be exact). Specifically, on how I’ve changed, grown as a woman and most pressingly; how do I become the type of mother I want to be to and for my sons? I am often left with the burning question, of how do I raise happy, whole, god fearing men, when I myself am so broken? How do I, instill enough love in them, so that when they go out into the world they know how to discern unequivocally the difference between what is real and what is a facade? Then the realization that I am grossly lacking the skill set to accomplish these things begin to set in , because I do not by any stretch of the imagination have the tools necessary for such an immense task.

Nevertheless, I know that in order to achieve these goals. I need to unpack my baggage so that I can be a better mother, a more affectionate and attentive mother. See I want my children to want to be around me when they are teenagers and adults. How do I get there? I mean I am a yeller and I am sometimes deficit in the patience necessary to deal with two rambunctious little boys. I can literally scream at the top of my lungs bringing myself within seconds of a heart attack and they will just ignore me and be in there own little worlds. And when I sit back to reassess my responses, I often realize I should not have reacted the way I did.  Just the same it gives me joy that they can have and find peace in spite of me.

Although motherhood can at times be hard and overwhelming. I will not by any means allow my stuff to become theirs. So I am training myself to push through the fog. As it is only when I stop looking at this assignment as a burden and I truly connecting myself to God; that I can fully take in the beauty of my babies, their different personalities and talents. “For I am merely a vessel that was used to get them here. Their purpose on this earth is far greater than me. My job is to help shape and guide them into realizing the path that God has set before them and encouraging them to walk in that.”

My children are so beautiful; they are becoming real little people. Everyday is an adventure and they are super intuitive and observant. My oldest always asks me “mommy are you happy?” They are four, why do they know, better yet why do they have to ask me this? My response is always “Are you ok baby, are you happy? That is all that matters.” I’ve got to watch my emotions and how I project them. As far as my shortcomings, all I can do is sleep on them, wake up and try again in the morning.

Mason and Micah force me to strive to be the best version of myself. While I am still trying to figure out whom that is and what that looks like. I have to remind myself daily that I am worthy of Motherhood. It is such a gift.

I AM ENOUGH #period

Rant

There is absolutely too much going on in the world sometimes it is just too much to stomach. Just last week Rohingya children were beheaded and civilians burned

They raping and putting babies in freezers in Chicago and the are attempting to lynch a 8 year bi racial boy in New Hampshire

As I read these headlines I am not only empathetic but burdened with sadness and guilt

Why am I not as aware or “woke” regarding these issues? Why have I/ we as citizens of the world chosen to live in this bubble? Is it to protect ourselves, our families and children? Because let’s face it despite racism, police brutality, rape, homicides and genocide we are all just trying to keep our head down and make the best of life for ours as best we can.

As a black woman, a mother and wife to black men.

Where do we find sanctuary?

Where do my people find solace and equality?

The times we are living in and the incidents occurring are absolutely despicable and these wrongs should not have happened to these babies

I saw a post on social media where an outraged man said “the boy is biracial, I guess the thought he was black” and he kind of said it very dismissively. Though it seemed like he was coming from a good place that part of his statement gave me pause. Would it have been acceptable if in fact the little boy were not bi racial? Would there be the same out rage? More importantly, why the fuck are lynchings still happening in 2017?

Would a mother of a different race have to wait almost 5 hours to see the dead body of her child?

As I sit and ponder it hit me that I am one generation from integration, how scary is that?

People deserve life, liberty and happiness, whatever that may look like for them.

No one should have to fear for or endure the deaths of their child.

What are we doing? How can we be better?

The Diary of a First Time Mom of Twins: Said…Every African American Mother Raising a Black Boy

Teach me how to not feel helpless, when I do not have the power…

Last summer I was pulled over by a Caucasian office while driving in Buckhead (downtown Atlanta) on my lunch hour. He pulled me over and as I pulling into a parking lot, I’m remembering all my steps…

  • keep hands on the wheel in plan sight
  • don’t reach for anything etc.

I roll my window down so I won’t have to when he gets to the car, so I will not have to move my hands. When he walks to my car, I am very aggravated and proceed to ask him “why am I being pulled over? I wasn’t speeding and my seat belt was on.” He says at first, equally perturbed (like how dare this little black girl ask me questions) “for running a red light.”

I immediately and calmly protest because this is a cross-section I am very familiar with and I told him “I clearly waited for the light to turn green to go”. He asked me for my license and registration (this is also stuff that I have ready to hand him before he even gets to my car). I give it to him and he walks back to his car and takes forever so naturally upon his second arrival to my car I have a heightened attitude. He then explains that I am now getting  a ticket “for my license plate being obstructed and not being able to read my County.”

Now mind you, I had that Pink breast cancer frame that the car dealership gives you when you purchase a new car from Auto Nation. However, in my mind I am thinking and I say to the officer “everyone in Atlanta has some type of frame be it their Aluma Mater, Greek affiliations or something.” So at this point I am visibly upset and telling him “I am not taking that ticket, I know my rights I do not have to take the citation from you and furthermore I do not understand how you originally pulled me over for a running red light, which I did not. But now you are going to give me a ticket for something else you didn’t even pull me over for in the first place?”.  I’m heated and arguing with him and he is yelling at me as well a not liking my tone.  He then becomes very condescending and forceful in his tone and actions. And in that moment I checked myself, like I have these two car seats in the back seat of my car (it was midday so my babies were not with me) let me reel this in before this situation takes a horrible turn so I can make it home to my kids tonight because this man could possibly shoot me in broad daylight.

I took the ticket and when I got back to work I took a picture of my plate and you could clearly see my county. I also searched for the section that he stated the new law about not having a frame on your car and found absolutely nothing regarding it (as I said everyone in ATL is driving around happy with a framed plate till this day). Nevertheless, I wrote down my notes and account of all that exactly happened so I wouldn’t forget when I went to court in the month or two it was scheduled for because I was not going to pay a fine. I printed everything and I brought all of this back up to traffic court and presented it to the lawyers and my case was dismissed in 30 minutes or less.

I share this story because with the climate of our nation, black men and women are not even getting the chance to walk away from these situations because their lives are being taken on sight, even when they do everything right. Thinking of my sons being pulled over or stopped and murdered by police or anyone for that matter gives me this horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, dry mouth, numbness through out my body and I lose my voice. As  woman a black woman and mother sometimes I feel so powerless when my first job is to protect their lives. Despite, my education, status and the fact that I am a law-abiding citizen I am not exempt from this epidemic and neither are my beautiful boys. Everyday I  try not to live in fear, I pray to God and over my children for protection and favor, however, I cannot help but to flash forward in my mind and think about how I am going to explain to these two sweet, rambunctious little boys, the cruel reality of what it means to be a black man in America, without dimming their light and lessening themselves.

#BlackWomenAtWork

It’s funny that this conversation is actually relevant in the media today, as I wrote this piece weeks ago.

Every morning I wake up and I go to an office where I am the only person of color. Most times I find it very lonely and I often feel as though I am on the outside looking in. I have been there for almost four years however, I still feel like a visitor.  Don’t get me wrong I  am thankful for my job it’s low maintenance, I have freedom and there is minimal drama or mind games. But there are many times I feel disrespected or looked over. 

For example, the men at my job make various inappropriate comments regarding race, religion and gender often. When there are issues plaguing the African American community no one discusses them or says a word to me the day after something horrific has happened. Or when someone decides to take my parking space when I go to get lunch as if I’m not returning to my job. This maybe minuet but it’s the principle, like I’ve been an employee here for 4 years I think I’ve at least earned a parking spot. Or having to beg for information when their should be the utmost transparency especially when it’s directly connected to the success of the business, maybe I expect to much. 

Worst of all I have to for all intents purposes grovel for a salary increase and justify why I deserve it, all while made to feel as though maybe I don’t deserve one. I am usually the first to arrive and the last one to leave. My quality of work has not faltered in my tenure, I am thorough and a hard worker. Why is my work ethic and dedication not acknowledged or appreciated?

The Diary of a First Time Mom of Twins: Micah the Magnificent 

Imagine having to explain to a 4 year old the difference between a Bojangles and a Churches Chicken.😳

Micah: “Mommy, I want that!”

Me: “Micah that’s not Bojangles, that’s a Churches Chicken, we do not eat Churches.”

(Anger and pouting ensue)😩

Micah: “That’s not fair!” (Folds arms)

Me: Proceeds to explain how the difference in depth between these two restaurants😩🙏🏽.

I can’t make this stuff up:(

My #BestNine of 2016

Happy New Year! I’m loving the recent Instagram trend inspired by the end of 2016 where people are posting a collage of their best 9 moments of the year. So here’s a #latepost of my best nine moments from 2016…in retrospect, and completely ignoring the fiasco that was Election Day, 2016 wasn’t all that bad 🙂

 

  1. White House Easter Egg Roll: This year we were granted the amazing opportunity to go to the White House Easter Egg Roll. I was so excited and hopeful that my son would get to meet the first black, and in my opinion the best, President of the United States. Although we didn’t get to meet the great Obama himself, my son got to meet many of his favorite characters like Peppa Pig, The Cat in the Hat, and Curious George. Plus it was still an unforgettable experience to be amongst all of the history and greatness of the White House. Not every kid can say they’ve played on the South Lawn.

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  1. Roooooooooad Triiiippp!!!: So at the beginning of 2016 the travel bug hit me really hard! It became a major part of my vision board, and I made travel happen. I was willing and ready to hop in the car and drive for hours just to see new sites and places. I’m most proud of myself for driving to and from Detroit without any help – that’s 10 hours each way! I’d say I have earned my driving stripes.
  2. Family Reunion: During the summer of 2016 I executed my first big event – my family’s first Family Reunion. It took a little over 2 years to coordinate, but in the end it was all worth it. I learned so much about my management style and doing business with family; and pulling this event off really solidified my career decision to pursue event planning. And my family enjoyed the heck out of themselves. On top of just getting together again and seeing faces we hadn’t seen in years, we enjoyed 3 days of fun-filled activities and good food.

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  1. Career Choice: I’ve had a lot of time to figure out in which direction I want to take my career. During 2016 I decided to focus my entrepreneurial efforts on PR and special event management. It’s something that I enjoy and am pretty good at doing. As I gained new clients and assignments I did not stray from this focus. I’m looking forward to reaching new heights and milestones in 2017 while being my own boss.
  2. Leaders in Heels: One of my most proud accomplishments in 2016 was starting a nonprofit organization! Together with a group of friends I became a founding member of Leaders in Heels, Inc. Our mission is to empower professional women in Metro Atlanta, and strengthen young women through community outreach, establishing supportive relationships, and mentoring the next generation of young women. We accomplished many great things this year including several community service projects and our first voter registration drive (led by yours truly! 🙂 )


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  1. Home School: Everyone has been telling me that I “need” to put my son in school. I have heard it so much that I began to believe them and started entertaining the idea by researching and visiting schools in the area. But to be true to myself, school does not fit our lifestyle right now. So instead of sending him out to school I gathered my own research, consulted my sister who’s a kindergarten teacher, and began teaching my son at home. He enjoys our homeschool days and has learned so much: Spanish and French, numbers to 100 (and beyond), sight words, basic math, and letter and sound recognition just to name a few things. By no means do I claim to be a teacher, but I am proud of our progress. best-nine-6
  2. My Sister is Married!!!: One of my closest friends, whom I call my sister, got married in 2016! Although there was a little stress and what felt like chaos leading up to her nuptials, the wedding day was absolutely gorgeous! I was the Matron of Honor and helped pull off one amazing bachelorette party. I was willing and ready to help in any way that I could. I am so happy and proud of her. She was the most beautiful bride and I know she’s enjoying being an awesome wife. best-nine-7
  3. Thanksgiving Dinner: Usually for the holidays my husband and I make arrangements to either fly out to spend time with my family or have dinner with his. This year we decided to have Thanksgiving Dinner by ourselves – and It. Was. Great. We made the entire meal all by ourselves, and just enjoyed a relaxing day. There was no trying to make it to anyone’s house by a certain time, no pressure of having the best tasting dish, and no trying to pack up leftovers to take home. We ate and chilled and loved every minute of it.
  4. Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!: I’ve been trying to find and create holiday traditions of my own to carry out with my son and husband. In the past years we had both a baby and a dog and we skipped out on putting up a Christmas tree because we weren’t sure how they would take to it. But this year we decided to put one up because our son is well aware of Christmas and all that comes with it. My son loved the tree so much he was constantly trying to show it off. The best part was reliving my childhood seeing all of the gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. best-nine-9

 

These summarized the highlights of my 2016, and I’m looking forward to the highlights of 2017. What’s your best 9?