Choices

As a new mom I’m amazed everyday by my son. How fast he develops; how big he’s getting; how he instinctively knows to do things. But what amazes me the most is that he loves me without reservation and without choice.

I chose to make love to my fiancee and conceive him. I chose to go through with pregnancy. I chose to keep him, raise him, and give him a home and a family. Without choice he loves me. He doesn’t choose to but he trusts me with his life. He doesn’t choose to but he depends on me for food, shelter, comfort, safety, everything. And I’m choosing not to let him down.

Motherhood is an indescribable feeling by words. I take it as the greatest honor ever given. To know this person loves me, trusts me, depends on me without reservations and without choice.

I cannot mess this up…

Baby Time – NICU – Parenting.com

Baby Time – NICU – Parenting.com.

I would have loved this new technology when I delivered my sons via c-section.  My youngest by a couple of seconds was delivered breech (feet first) and he swallowed fluid.  So the doctors allowed me to see him from afar because they had to immediately take him to transition/observation and then to the Neo Natal Unit.  My boyfriend stayed with him and gave me updates and assured me everything was going to be ok. But not even the drugs could ease my worry.

I don’t think I saw my son until the next morning probably around 3am.  I’m sure the nurses hated me, because there was so much attitude and cursing coming from my hospital room.  I just wanted to lay eyes on my baby; I needed to touch him and make sure he was ok for myself.  Not seeing him and not being aware of what he was going through or what was being done to him was one of the scariest things I have ever experienced.  I wish I had access to this, every hospital should implement this for moms and babies.

Love & Happiness: Two Little Brown Boys

When people ask me “how does it feel to be a mom?”More often, I have no true enlightening or philosophical answer…
Now that I stop to think. It’s something like an, in awe feeling really. God has given me these two little boys… Their conception happened where the water meets the sand and it was beautiful. It defied science.
I felt them grow inside of me everyday for 37weeks and 6days. Two different people with two completely separate personalities sharing my body. I endured sickness, rashes a heart arrhythmia and double the kicks and punches. Not to mention my body has been through hell and it’s almost back. Well almost…
But more importantly I’ve been entrusted with their lives, happiness and futures. When I look into their eyes I just want to keep them innocent and safe forever. Untainted by the world, people in it and the ill experiences that might occur. I want to keep them untarnished and beautiful.
When I look at my sons these two beautiful little brown boys. I want them to know and understand they are kings and have no choice but be burdened to become great men.
When I look at my sons I see perfection and I know that looking at and loving them is as close to God as I’m going to get in this life. Becoming a mother has slowed me down and taught me to live for the moments that we can never get back. It has allowed me to revel in the beauty and face of God.
Being a mommy has truly given me what I have longed for my entire life…Happiness!

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